Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
