I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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