I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
