Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
