you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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