i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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