Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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