Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
