just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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