I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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