Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
