Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
