vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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