I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
