mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My vagina is very pro this idea
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
