I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
