So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
