Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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