she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
