Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Drunk is not a location!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
