Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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