dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
