ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
