and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
