porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
