She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
