Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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