I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
