She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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