you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
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this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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