I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
