I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
