is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
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I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
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I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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