I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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