I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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