shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
