You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
