im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
