I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
