I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
