Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
