he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
