i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
