Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
