Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
