I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
