just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
