she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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