i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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