sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
