I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
