She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
