I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Randomize
