rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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