im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Randomize
