i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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