when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Your penis caused this!
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