I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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