Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
