found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
