I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
