I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
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My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
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Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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