U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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