my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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