You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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